January 14, 2008

I have no clue why, but the subject of leadership has really been heavy on my mind lately. I read Mark’s blog about relevancy and progression this morning and it kind of sprung me further into self-reflection. I don’t really feel relevant in life anymore. I don’t know if it’s my own mental block or if I am created this way, but I don’t feel like a leader. I feel like a follower, and that the majority of my friends don’t see me as any kind of influence on their lives.

I don’t say to sound whiney or to seek attention, I just think it’s the culture I have created around my life. It’s funny though, because I even notice it in new relationships I have made. People who don’t even know me or my past gravitate to me differently then they would to others.

The only reason I bring this up is that I really feel like I need to seek God and spend some time alone praying about why I am really here. I know that God has a very specific calling on my life; I just don’t know what it is. Lately I have been feeling like a useless blob.



  1. Josh, I understand what you feel. Introspection can be alright, but it can also further propel you into that ‘funk.’ Live your life. Be who God is asking you to be! You want to be an influence? Be an influence! Do things that are good and right. Do things that are godly. Set yourself apart, not as an ass or anything, just as someone who wants something different. You are an influence. You have a unique perspective on the world and on your world, influence it. (Don’t blend in~!)
    You rock. I heart you.

  2. the part about being gravitated toward…doesn’t that blow? Why doesn’t God throw people our way when we’re awesome?

  3. What’s more “relevant in life” than someone asking these questions and feeling this way?

    What’s more influencial than someone seeking God and sharing that?

    I get the feeling you have never been less a “useless blob.”

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